today i know it was nerves. not sick with bacteria or virus or cold
sick with nervous breakdown.
medicare doesn't pay enough to a qualified psychologist so the only thing the county has is civilians who have nervous breakdowns and got a minimum wage to sit and talk w someone. only reason to go back is if they start serving alcohol and it is ok to hit on the women "therapists" nothing else good therapeutically or medically or medically can come from going there. so where is the money? sleep tests and CPAP machines, nebulizers, pulmonary testings and etc etc etc. diabetes etc etc. thousands for something that is a symptom of a nervous breakdown. today's term is caregiver burnout. no coverage for that. no cultural coping to deal with it.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Thursday, December 29, 2011
finished the letter. this is me talking in the best cleaned up language i can do. it has to be good enough. want u to see it.
finished the letter. this is me talking in the best cleaned up language i can do. it has to be good enough. want u to see it.
so far using lawyers THINKING I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO nothing good happened to end the misery and suffering.
i am dying. the stress has crapped out my vascular system. i am bruising like i never did before. headaches i never had before (in both my head and my "head" and i am getting cataraacts and probably macular degeneration isn't far away and i am getting neuropathy. i believe that the stress caused the sleep apnea or made it worse and then when it went into 2 hres of sleep a night for 30 days straight that was bad. so bad that when i got 5 hours i was grateful to god for the respite. well the price i believe is that certain brain function is dying in the brain that keeps the nerves healthy. i am getting neuropathy in my feet half way up to my knees. so what is shutting down in other parts of the body? WHAT ORGANS?
I WANT TO LIVE but whatever is clicking inside me doesn't want to let go and run away from the beating the court is giving me. juri is insane, stupid and stuborn.
i am going to follow it up with another letter to the judge for his eyes only and a seperate letter to modris and it will have a offer but he might be too damage to let go like i am not going to let go. he goes public he is in a world of financial problems. in the letter i will extend the olive branch but he has to demonstrate repentence. if not he knows i will send out letters to various government agbencies and and tell them about his dad. the lawyers will eat up all that family has. it will be brutal. i have been walking around with his secrets for almost 20 years and he knows it. why he lied an made up bad shit about it is unbelievable seeing he knows what i know about his pop. but i have done stupid things in the past so who knows who does stupid shit. My intention is to win honorably and honestly. to salvage my relationship with moroz is secondary.
blah blah blah. i just need someone to talk to to talk with.
so far using lawyers THINKING I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO nothing good happened to end the misery and suffering.
i am dying. the stress has crapped out my vascular system. i am bruising like i never did before. headaches i never had before (in both my head and my "head" and i am getting cataraacts and probably macular degeneration isn't far away and i am getting neuropathy. i believe that the stress caused the sleep apnea or made it worse and then when it went into 2 hres of sleep a night for 30 days straight that was bad. so bad that when i got 5 hours i was grateful to god for the respite. well the price i believe is that certain brain function is dying in the brain that keeps the nerves healthy. i am getting neuropathy in my feet half way up to my knees. so what is shutting down in other parts of the body? WHAT ORGANS?
I WANT TO LIVE but whatever is clicking inside me doesn't want to let go and run away from the beating the court is giving me. juri is insane, stupid and stuborn.
i am going to follow it up with another letter to the judge for his eyes only and a seperate letter to modris and it will have a offer but he might be too damage to let go like i am not going to let go. he goes public he is in a world of financial problems. in the letter i will extend the olive branch but he has to demonstrate repentence. if not he knows i will send out letters to various government agbencies and and tell them about his dad. the lawyers will eat up all that family has. it will be brutal. i have been walking around with his secrets for almost 20 years and he knows it. why he lied an made up bad shit about it is unbelievable seeing he knows what i know about his pop. but i have done stupid things in the past so who knows who does stupid shit. My intention is to win honorably and honestly. to salvage my relationship with moroz is secondary.
blah blah blah. i just need someone to talk to to talk with.
The dead can dance. the carnival is over. 1993
going thru his collection of CDz today. ripping it the year of the CD is 1993.
that is the year he got diagnosed w melanoma. took out 5 pounds of flesh from his thigh. we talked about it but all he said is if it doesn't come backin 10 years your ok. that is when he started driving to montreal to have fun with the excort services. i didn't put it togehter at that time but now i do. he decided to do what he enjoys as often as he can and it ended up being a weekend goal every month. sometimes it was one weekend every two months. but that was the frequency for a decade and a few years. went up in feb of 2006. went into hospital march 23 or 21 and stayed until he went to the morgue.
that is the year he got diagnosed w melanoma. took out 5 pounds of flesh from his thigh. we talked about it but all he said is if it doesn't come backin 10 years your ok. that is when he started driving to montreal to have fun with the excort services. i didn't put it togehter at that time but now i do. he decided to do what he enjoys as often as he can and it ended up being a weekend goal every month. sometimes it was one weekend every two months. but that was the frequency for a decade and a few years. went up in feb of 2006. went into hospital march 23 or 21 and stayed until he went to the morgue.
Monday, December 26, 2011
I Wrote Mom's Caregivers a Letter.....
rich
i wrote mom's caregivers a letter saying to tell mom i love her and i forgive her and that jesus loves her and her mother and sister are waiting with open arms.
lets see what happens.
bill
-----Original Message-----
From: Bill Rundans
To: inuks14
Sent: Mon, Dec 26, 2011 9:57 pm
Subject: naakossu naakti ka liksi valentinu gulet pasaaki vinjai dazzus vardus no maniem
labriet inaara
ka liksi valentinu gulet iedot bucu ka normali un tad
passaki valentinai ka es peidodu vinju prieks melossaanas par maniem cilvekiem.
ne tikai valst cilvekiem un tiesnesiem un advocatiem bet piedodu prieks visam rezem ka stastija pasakas kuras nebija tasnigas un bija sliktas pasakas par maniem
pastaasti ka jesus kristus milj vinju un dod vinjai visu milestibu un mate un maasa gaida ar valejam rookaam.
viemer melessu.
juris.
i wrote mom's caregivers a letter saying to tell mom i love her and i forgive her and that jesus loves her and her mother and sister are waiting with open arms.
lets see what happens.
bill
-----Original Message-----
From: Bill Rundans
To: inuks14
Sent: Mon, Dec 26, 2011 9:57 pm
Subject: naakossu naakti ka liksi valentinu gulet pasaaki vinjai dazzus vardus no maniem
labriet inaara
ka liksi valentinu gulet iedot bucu ka normali un tad
passaki valentinai ka es peidodu vinju prieks melossaanas par maniem cilvekiem.
ne tikai valst cilvekiem un tiesnesiem un advocatiem bet piedodu prieks visam rezem ka stastija pasakas kuras nebija tasnigas un bija sliktas pasakas par maniem
pastaasti ka jesus kristus milj vinju un dod vinjai visu milestibu un mate un maasa gaida ar valejam rookaam.
viemer melessu.
juris.
Saturday, December 24, 2011
The Letter to Judge Teresi !
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Judge Teresi
Albany County Courthouse
Albany, NY 12207
Rapport, Mewyers Whitbeck, Shaw & Rodenhausen
Sheila Hilley
436 Union Street
Hudson, ny 12434
Tooms & Meier
Kathleen Toombs
157 Barrett Street
Schenectady, ny 12305
Murray S. Carr Esq
Examiner of Guardian Accounts
1683 Western Avenue
Albany, NY 12203
Dear Judge Teresi and Parti People,
I am recovering from surgery and the 11th will not be good for me to attend.
I too am interested in, seeing the overview of the status of the estate.
I am curious that Kathleen Toombs is there. What is she doing to keep the estate whole and protected? Is she working for Mom or Modris? Who is paying her?
Here is what I have been working on since our phone call. I learned what Ex-Parti means and I started to research how to communicate to you bad horrendous problems I have taking care of Mom. I remember a distant relative’s story from the 20s. It has been told a few times and I recently heard it as a metaphor for something. I said those days are over for me. That rough and tumble way of stopping abusive behavior is out or for fresh immigrants and gang members. I want to do better but I am trying to work with court but I just haven’t learned what else to do but keep taking the beating until I learn. They aren’t helpful at all but I will find an effective way to communicate what is going on so there isn’t any doubt or misunderstandings. The Legalese Path to Enlightenment.
Re: In the Matter of Valentine Rundans, IP
Index No: 4963-02
Dear Sirs and Madams:
Relative to the Guardianship of my mother, I would like to express the following concerns:
1. Immediate attention needs to be given to my mother's house. No one has bothered to turn off the outside water to the house, and the pipes will freeze. It is winter. I can do this, without having to expend vast sums of money to do simple tasks. Please give me access to the house so that this can be done.
2. My mother is dying and will not live more than a couple of months at the most. I wish to express my objections to the excessive money that has been siphoned off my mother's estate by lawyers and guardians who do not do their work in an efficient and timely manner. This matter needs to be brought to an end.
3. Finally, I request, as the beneficiary of my mother's estate, that I be copied on all communications, accountings, reports and other documents that are submitted to the court or between lawyers. I am representing myself in this matter, in that I do not wish to keep pouring good money into lawyers pockets and getting no satisfaction in return.
Thank you for consideration of my requests.
I went to your office to tell you what horrendous problems I have taking care of mom. I needed to talk you. You had some underling kick me out of your office because you can’t talk to me ex-parti. I called on the phone looking for help and you tell me you can’t talk to me ex-parti and hang up on me. I have been working diligently to present a communication of an urgent need about mom’s care. The topic I wanted to talk about was the crap I have to take from the assigned court personnel that feed off mom’s estate. They all have been a problem from the start. You want details we can talk and it would be fantastic if you can invite the abusers in so they can prepare a defense of as they have been doing a pre emptive attack on my character and thus interfere with my end in taking care of mom.
I thought I understood ex-parti, the way you explaind it, on the phone, but now I read that you had a wonderful conversation with Ms. Hilley and I was ex-parti to that conversation. Do I now understand “ex-parti” correctly? I feel abused. Should I feel that way? To me it seems like you are going to do whatever you wish and I am just a smudge in the pogrom judge Benza started. His pogrom is to kidnap Valentine Rundans because she fell down and has money. Whatever you say has been rehearsed and sanctioned by the government law and it is so to set me up (and anyone else that finds themselves caring for a parent with a sizeable estate) for failure. The Injustice against mom and all my relatives is continuing. Hilley can talk to you ex-parti but I can’t. she isn’t doing squat to keep mom alive and well, but she is getting a check from Mom’s purse for moving paper around for no reason other than churning the estate out of money and that is standard in my experience with the court. So now I am wondering what kind of beating you have in store for me. You have the cloth of power, what will you decide to do. Will you be human or will you be Borkian and do me with legal pepper spray?
All this letting go of bottled up angst is just jealousy that I didn’t take this Borkian Law Path in life to earn a living sucking off the blood of old people that fell down. I was a dumb draft dodging thief whose sentence was up in ’77 but u decided to still beat me up with my draft dodging behaviors. Congratulations for showing me what a man is supposed to be and do when he grows up. I am going to post this online so a kid in high school don’t have to be ex-parti to what is going on when their parent falls down and he seeks help from the guys with the “white hats”, the kid, from the future, now has a clear idea of what a law is and what lawyer and a judge are.
Ms Hilley can go and talk to you and you can write a letter to let me know she talked with you BUT you can’t do that for me. You disgust me. “Thy loathed tissue that issued from thine fathers loins.” Everyone associated with the court that got a payday off of mom is a visceral crook! Guess what I want to know? Who got what for what. Oh and skip that cause Mom told me she don’t want to pay for that information.
Ah that is how ex-parti works. The kid that takes care of his mom for free with out support of any kind (“don’t talk to me kid.”) and works like a chinaman in a factory all day long for stunaats and all the cronies of the court get to feed off the old lady’s purse. That’s how ex-parti works? Mom paid for everyone’s Christmas presents? Thanks for teaching me how non-ex-felons make a living. And I say it all with love, “God bless you Mr. Fagan.” I just can’t figure out why I am getting communication from you about a meeting since all is already decided and done and money collected for everyone? Or is this the last gasp to grab some money from the dying sick old lady? None of you are any better than a purse snatcher. Hey that was funny. No one has ever asked for my opinion about what is going on here and now I am volunteering my opinions. I am laughing now cause I know there is a beating coming down when you tell the old man what his shortcomings are and Pop wants to keep on suppressing it instead of dealing with it to make things better.
Very Truly Yours,
J. William Rundans
Addendum
Just about everything the Court did to Valentina Rundans and her Family was and is ABUSIVE, and Unjustice Perfomed. I would say that the abuse is in the same league as the Penn State Scandal same league as Physical Abuse, same league as Emotional Abuse. The worse that will happen is the kid that felt abused is gonna have to live with it. Loosen up. Let it go. Nothing you can do about it. You’re powerless.
I believed Phyllis when she told me that you are a good man. The little hope that I had is lost and man it feels just as bad at 64 as it did at 4 when I took the beating with a metal clock on a chain. With you I feel just as safe and just as nurtured and just as what? Thank you for letting me get it off my chest ‘cause I just noticed I got my wood back.
Judge Teresi
Albany County Courthouse
Albany, NY 12207
Rapport, Mewyers Whitbeck, Shaw & Rodenhausen
Sheila Hilley
436 Union Street
Hudson, ny 12434
Tooms & Meier
Kathleen Toombs
157 Barrett Street
Schenectady, ny 12305
Murray S. Carr Esq
Examiner of Guardian Accounts
1683 Western Avenue
Albany, NY 12203
Dear Judge Teresi and Parti People,
I am recovering from surgery and the 11th will not be good for me to attend.
I too am interested in, seeing the overview of the status of the estate.
I am curious that Kathleen Toombs is there. What is she doing to keep the estate whole and protected? Is she working for Mom or Modris? Who is paying her?
Here is what I have been working on since our phone call. I learned what Ex-Parti means and I started to research how to communicate to you bad horrendous problems I have taking care of Mom. I remember a distant relative’s story from the 20s. It has been told a few times and I recently heard it as a metaphor for something. I said those days are over for me. That rough and tumble way of stopping abusive behavior is out or for fresh immigrants and gang members. I want to do better but I am trying to work with court but I just haven’t learned what else to do but keep taking the beating until I learn. They aren’t helpful at all but I will find an effective way to communicate what is going on so there isn’t any doubt or misunderstandings. The Legalese Path to Enlightenment.
Re: In the Matter of Valentine Rundans, IP
Index No: 4963-02
Dear Sirs and Madams:
Relative to the Guardianship of my mother, I would like to express the following concerns:
1. Immediate attention needs to be given to my mother's house. No one has bothered to turn off the outside water to the house, and the pipes will freeze. It is winter. I can do this, without having to expend vast sums of money to do simple tasks. Please give me access to the house so that this can be done.
2. My mother is dying and will not live more than a couple of months at the most. I wish to express my objections to the excessive money that has been siphoned off my mother's estate by lawyers and guardians who do not do their work in an efficient and timely manner. This matter needs to be brought to an end.
3. Finally, I request, as the beneficiary of my mother's estate, that I be copied on all communications, accountings, reports and other documents that are submitted to the court or between lawyers. I am representing myself in this matter, in that I do not wish to keep pouring good money into lawyers pockets and getting no satisfaction in return.
Thank you for consideration of my requests.
I went to your office to tell you what horrendous problems I have taking care of mom. I needed to talk you. You had some underling kick me out of your office because you can’t talk to me ex-parti. I called on the phone looking for help and you tell me you can’t talk to me ex-parti and hang up on me. I have been working diligently to present a communication of an urgent need about mom’s care. The topic I wanted to talk about was the crap I have to take from the assigned court personnel that feed off mom’s estate. They all have been a problem from the start. You want details we can talk and it would be fantastic if you can invite the abusers in so they can prepare a defense of as they have been doing a pre emptive attack on my character and thus interfere with my end in taking care of mom.
I thought I understood ex-parti, the way you explaind it, on the phone, but now I read that you had a wonderful conversation with Ms. Hilley and I was ex-parti to that conversation. Do I now understand “ex-parti” correctly? I feel abused. Should I feel that way? To me it seems like you are going to do whatever you wish and I am just a smudge in the pogrom judge Benza started. His pogrom is to kidnap Valentine Rundans because she fell down and has money. Whatever you say has been rehearsed and sanctioned by the government law and it is so to set me up (and anyone else that finds themselves caring for a parent with a sizeable estate) for failure. The Injustice against mom and all my relatives is continuing. Hilley can talk to you ex-parti but I can’t. she isn’t doing squat to keep mom alive and well, but she is getting a check from Mom’s purse for moving paper around for no reason other than churning the estate out of money and that is standard in my experience with the court. So now I am wondering what kind of beating you have in store for me. You have the cloth of power, what will you decide to do. Will you be human or will you be Borkian and do me with legal pepper spray?
All this letting go of bottled up angst is just jealousy that I didn’t take this Borkian Law Path in life to earn a living sucking off the blood of old people that fell down. I was a dumb draft dodging thief whose sentence was up in ’77 but u decided to still beat me up with my draft dodging behaviors. Congratulations for showing me what a man is supposed to be and do when he grows up. I am going to post this online so a kid in high school don’t have to be ex-parti to what is going on when their parent falls down and he seeks help from the guys with the “white hats”, the kid, from the future, now has a clear idea of what a law is and what lawyer and a judge are.
Ms Hilley can go and talk to you and you can write a letter to let me know she talked with you BUT you can’t do that for me. You disgust me. “Thy loathed tissue that issued from thine fathers loins.” Everyone associated with the court that got a payday off of mom is a visceral crook! Guess what I want to know? Who got what for what. Oh and skip that cause Mom told me she don’t want to pay for that information.
Ah that is how ex-parti works. The kid that takes care of his mom for free with out support of any kind (“don’t talk to me kid.”) and works like a chinaman in a factory all day long for stunaats and all the cronies of the court get to feed off the old lady’s purse. That’s how ex-parti works? Mom paid for everyone’s Christmas presents? Thanks for teaching me how non-ex-felons make a living. And I say it all with love, “God bless you Mr. Fagan.” I just can’t figure out why I am getting communication from you about a meeting since all is already decided and done and money collected for everyone? Or is this the last gasp to grab some money from the dying sick old lady? None of you are any better than a purse snatcher. Hey that was funny. No one has ever asked for my opinion about what is going on here and now I am volunteering my opinions. I am laughing now cause I know there is a beating coming down when you tell the old man what his shortcomings are and Pop wants to keep on suppressing it instead of dealing with it to make things better.
Very Truly Yours,
J. William Rundans
Addendum
Just about everything the Court did to Valentina Rundans and her Family was and is ABUSIVE, and Unjustice Perfomed. I would say that the abuse is in the same league as the Penn State Scandal same league as Physical Abuse, same league as Emotional Abuse. The worse that will happen is the kid that felt abused is gonna have to live with it. Loosen up. Let it go. Nothing you can do about it. You’re powerless.
I believed Phyllis when she told me that you are a good man. The little hope that I had is lost and man it feels just as bad at 64 as it did at 4 when I took the beating with a metal clock on a chain. With you I feel just as safe and just as nurtured and just as what? Thank you for letting me get it off my chest ‘cause I just noticed I got my wood back.
This is What I am Dealing With.....
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Thursday, December 22, 2011
Friday, December 16, 2011
I am in a transition phase like never before. stuff is popping up into my head.
today
remember a time when i was maybe 10-12 i am hanging with mom and there is regular chore stuff going on. mom is talking about normal stuff. then the topic shifted to my existence. pop wanted a boy but mom was happy with the things the way they were and she didn't want to have _____ (forgot what that was). (kid?) i came along cause she wanted to make pop happy but she paid a price. implication was a loss of the good life without me around.
why would that message come into my head today? what kind of decision might a kid make from that. no drama just a run of the mill decision.
the one that started things off is the intense frustration of not knowing what to do while taking a beating.
been in an article 81 proceeding for 10 years. the government is taking the money but talking like they care but their results negate their lie. like all good moves i make are stopped because "i can't have money" i felt it and the instant i felt it i remembered being about 5or 6 or 4 adn i had my empty bottle money and pop took it from me and gave me a verbal beating about the heart that i don't know what to do with money and he is taking from me for my own good.
"i Can't Have Money"
since that BAM i haven't been able to experience the same intense feeling of "i can't have money" but i believe that belief is in my somehwere somehow. want to erase it. the reality i create with that belief is causeing me lots of problems.
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